things that make you go "aw maaaan!"

the adoption process is going to be a little bi longer than expected. they are dragging it out a bit more....I thought it would have been done quicker until I talked to my social worker today. it is still soon,but to me,not soon enough. I have a lot of stressors in my life right now and it makes it even more stressful having to wait longer tham I thought to finalize. It still looks like it will work out by a long shot,but there is always that thought of "anything can happen",so it is hard to wait. time will pass.... i guess we should just keep busy and keep our minds off of it all.

this thanksgiving

this thanksgiving I am so grateful for my son and joyous to share this thanksgiving with him. I am also having a hard time missing the people in my family that have passed on and little ones who have also.I wish they were all here,it is lonely.
its bittersweet. I have my wonderful son,but a painful past. but,the things i have went through i really think they remind me to be a good mom. I am thrilled to be able to give him a stable family life where husband and wife love each other,and the gospel is taught,and where we go to church every sunday. my hope is to give him the tools he needs to be successful in everything he does. it is my passion.it'll be ok. =)

friends are important as well

 I think its great that there are families that have a lot of members. Its so joyous and so fun. but I also think its a good thing to be friends with others as well as your family because not everyone has a big family. even if they want one,they still might not have a big family. maybe because of infertility issues,or not being picked for adoption for more children,or at all..Or maybe everyone has died in their family. I feel its a good thing to reach out to those that need our help and befriend them. I am sure that is what heavenly father wants us to do as well. my eyes and mind has been opened to loneliness,and how others might feel. and how bad it can feel to be left out,lonely,depressed.you could have no idea how bad that persons depression and loneliness could be. although our family is very important,we arent just here to help just our families. I can be friends with people outside my family,I think its such a good thing. I feel sorry for people that dont think that this is important. theres soo many people out there that are eating thanksgiving dinner alone right now...or maybe their son or daughter cant come that year,or family members that arent that close..ect. when this happens it would be nice if people reach out to them. Im sure theres a lot of people that do this,but not enough. we can do better =)

Im thankful for MY BABY BOY!!!!!!!

this year I want to say that I am sooo thankful for my baby boy that came into our lives!!! when we got the phone call for a child,I could barely believe it,and to tell you the truth,I still cant believe it! the phone call was for a baby boy named James,and they were deciding between five families,and they picked us. I really think it was just so obvious for them to decide to pick us! but there was one twist,lol! there was an aunt that could supposively take James....she has never been mentioned again,and now it is too late for her to do so. (sigh of relief!) lol! =)  when I heard about the Aunt,i figured that it wouldnt work out...they said that the adoption was high legal risk,and I figured it wouldnt work out. We have had so many dissapointments in the past that I didnt think this was finally it for us. I mean, TONS of dissapointments and they were so painful emotionally,I just didnt think something good could happen for us. but as time has gone by,and information has been presented by the social worker,I have come to realize that things can happen good for us,and that all the millions of prayers we said were going to be answered...it was just that James wasnt born yet and we had to wait for him to be born!! lol! James really is our son! its like he just took a detour,hung out with his buds in a medical facility for a while until mom and dad could pick him up! =)  He took to us immediately,and he was calling us mama and dada right away! when I look at him and observe his behavior around us,its like theres no doubt in his mind at all who we are to him,we are his mom and dad! his birth parents are not able to care for him. that is why he is able to be adopted. it was suppose to happen. Its so cool! when me and ron were just married,I thought it would be so cool to adopt...but i didnt think I was ever capable of that,of something so wonderful!!! i had a bad childhood until I was taken in by my aunt and uncle,so before that point I was not encouraged to think I was capable of great things. it took me a while to figure out how to find the courage to put in the paperwork for adoption,in fact,years! I told my husband,"you gotta help me with this! I cant do it alone!" so he would handle the things I was too stressed out to do,or call someone I was intimidated by,lol! adventually we got it all done. what should have taken maybe six months took ,I dunno,maybe three years! lolol!(im laughing now,back then...not that funny) but another thing that happened was that i had to listen closer to how heavenly father wanted me to do this.he had a specific way he wanted me to do it all,and a specific agency. the road i was going down was the wrong road to find James,he was on the road marked "county adoption",we took the wrong exit at first. then we had to wait after waiting,um,i dont know TEN YEARS! lolol! so,we waited a looong time,and then had to wait another year on top of that! it was hard,but by that time we were learning how to enjoy life just being the two of us,and I tryed very hard to keep away thoughts of "i want a baby",and started saying to heck with it all! im just going to live my life without kids!!! yaay! we're livin it up with almost nooo responsibilities and we just ROCK people! and so does our life without kids! then,after having a BLAST in San Diego,we get a call for James! and I seriously almost fell over! hahaha! complete panic attack! i called ron,he was so happy,and we were sooo HAPPY!!! but im glad I figured out a way to be happy without kids first! =) I think thats what heavenly father was waiting for,and we did it finally! =) i mean,of course we want kids,but when your not able to at the time,give yourself a break! =) I am glad we have James,i am glad we have kids...or i mean, a kid,lolol! =) the time Ron and I spent together was an awesome honeymoon!! but now,at least for us,its time to do the kid thing! =) I love it! James loves being here and I can tell he enjoys having a mommy and daddy to hold him,love him,and cuddle him. he giggles when we say we love him! i could cry! =) and sure,life can be great without kids,so the people who read this who dont have thier babies yet....live it up! you have a wonderful life and its just as important as everyone elses lives with or without kids! there are times I look back and think ghee! can I steal one of those days back that i had before just fir a day?? NO! that ship has sailed! lol! =) ..... where I can take a nap in the middle of the day(that was niiiice!),go on a few honeymoons,spend as much time with my sweetie and not have to get a babysitter...the benefits go on and on. so,im not dissing life with out kids,and im not dissing life with kids. i am glad we are moving on,and im happy to be a busy mama now! =)  theres a season for everything,some might be in different seasons....we definately went from summer to winter all the sudden! lol! i love my new life and even though there are ups and downs,I wouldnt change it for the world,I appreciate my blessings,and I am thankful for what I have learned in this VERY HARD trial me and my husband have gone through. life is wonderful! =) I give tons if thanks to my heavenly father!!!!! we LOVE our boy soooo much!
may god bless us all! =)

November: National Adoption month!!! =)

NaturalChild: Any child who is not artificial. Real Parent: Any parent who is not imaginary. Your Own Child: Any child who is not someone else's child. Adopted Child: A natural child, with a real parent, who is all myown. November is National Adoption Month - What a great month.

James,pooh bear,and mommy behind James's head! lol! =) I love this one! James was smiling so well in this one!

mommy and baby!!!

you are looking at the happiest mommy in the whole world! 
we have been sooo busy with the adoption paperwork,visits,classes...ect,you name it! lol! so it was incredible we were able to squeeze these picutres in! I love this picture! I was trying to tickle James in this one! lol! he was so tired though! it was his nap time,but that was the soonest appointment that day,so we had to take it! he did pretty well for being tired though! =)

father and son!!!

Father and Son! They look so wonderful together! what a blessing!!! I am so grateful for them both!!!

our collage

I love this collage,there were more collages,but we had to pay more and more for them,so we just got this one =)

james, the BEE!

James is the cutest Bee Ive ever seen! =) he did this pose on his own,and the photographer was like,ooo,ooo! I dont want to miss that! and managed to get this pose! yay! awww! what a wonderful memory to keep forever! =)

went to Laguna Hills for halloween!

our baby is soooo cool! =)

we have another angel baby in heaven

I think its okay to talk about this,but its the way you talk about it. I dont think losing a baby should be a hush hush matter(unless the person prefers it that way of course),and for me at least,I do like to mention a pregnancy,even if it doesnt work out. for me and my husband,that is a happy moment we are so eager to share,but cant because we know it probably wont work out because of the last three pregnancies. of course I wont just talk to anyone about it...lol,but theres some Im ok with telling. We found out we were pregnant last week and we understood that I wouldn't be able to carry. but just for that time we were so happy! I dont know why,I have no idea why im happy about the pregnancy when I know im going to lose the baby. maybe I will see these babies in heaven,I dont know for sure what will actually happen,but I do know I will never regret having the pregnancies. it was special. im hoping to have a big family in heaven with my wonderful husband and our precious son James. i am sad this has happened,and for certain reasons,I always feel guilty when I miscarry,the reason why...I will not talk about because it hurts so badly. but this baby loss is different. Im sad,but not crushed....the reason is because I have a wonderful husband,and I have the most wonderful son I could have ever dreamed of or hoped for. I cant even express how much I love him or how grateful I am for him!!! this child is so special to us its not even funny! James is who we want. he is #1 to us. we are sooo happy! this loss although so sad,isnt going to slow me down,im going to the gym tonight,and working out!!! yay! =) I heard from someone to be careful when everything is suddenly going so great,because there's a trial around the corner...yep! lol! I dont know how many times I heard "after you adopt you'll get pregnant",lol,I got pregnant before I adopted also! I guess they meant a pregnancy that was able to be sustained....um....still not able to hold,but not caring because we found another way....a GREAT fantastic way to make babies! through adoption! and couldnt be happier! just take our word for it,we know what we're talking about!!! =) so I guess this means im the happiest person who has ever miscarried! lol! we'll be juuuust fine! =)